get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
