we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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