You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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