So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
