That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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