I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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