The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
