I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
