my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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