So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
