HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
