It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Are we still banned from the library?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
