This is not my ceiling
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm too high and old for this...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
