i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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