I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
