Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
