Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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