These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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