this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
