literally had 100 drinks last night.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
