My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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