all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
