peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
