How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
