I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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