i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
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