So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Oh god it's open bar.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
