Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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