Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
