I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
