i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm always down for nudity.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
