Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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