So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
