I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
