I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
