I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
