Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
