look no pants
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
