Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
