I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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