I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
