i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I didn't notice because vodka
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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