I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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