hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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