worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
