I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
