i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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