I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
