Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
