Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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