well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
